Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Confusions Galore

Confusion. The feeling most experienced by me lately. Through most of my life, I was fairly confident of the decisions I took, but lately when family or serious money is involved, I am unable to take decisions as confidently as earlier. Surprisingly, even the smallest of decisions leads to confusion. Confusion about which city to stay in, about which apartment to buy, opinions about people around me etc etc. Kavitha said earlier today: You are thinking too much, just relax. I should, just wish it was that easy. The question lies as such: Say, you are taking a decision that has no financial bearing or serious consequences, is it easy to take a decision? I would say most of us would resort to Yes as an answer. How about if it involved serious consequences, both personally and financially. The anwer isn't that easy anymore, right? Most of my friends say, do what makes you happy, regardless of the finances involved. Unfortunatey, when a lot is at stake, I find it tough to do that.

On the brighter side, past the confusion, life is moving at a brisk pace. The guys at work are picking up and doing fairly well. I have requested for a serious peformance review, let's see what happens on that end. And to top it all, Nethra, lovely Nethra. She has started conversing in English and both Kavitha and I love it. I think the pride is immense when she says something impressive. She turns into a brat more often now, but with a two and half year old, that should be expected.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

The Imperfect Me

Most of us strive to be good human beings. A part of that task is to try and be perfect at something, a perfect husband or father or boss. I have a different story to tell. I want to understand the imperfections in me and accept that I am what I am, Imperfect.

Its not that I do not like or want to be perfect, its just that with that want comes immense pressure to be that way. If I am imperfect, then I have no need to try and be right all the time and better yet, be forgiven for being stupid or short tempered. Trust me, its easier said than done. This process will take time, I mean don't we need to bend our pride in order to accept that a lot of what we do may not always be right, atleast not for everyone.

A lot of people I know have come up the hard way hence its tough to convince them that there is a world outside their opinions which may be better than their own. While some of the better ones accept this in theory most of us are in denial on the reality front. I head that list. The worst part is, we are all so good at what we do that we convince ourselves that our opinions are among the wiser ones around in this world. Are we all right?

A lot of my friends talk about environment and some of them are obsessed about it. In a way I am proud that we are among a minority that really care. Unfortunately, sometimes I tend to feel this obsession with one particular issue is a way of forgetting the million others we have around us. On the other hand, it may be better to try and better one problem than have a hand dipped into many with no output. My opinion on this matter is muddled hence I do what I know best, follow what these guys say in the faith that I am doing some good. Sometimes when we are unable to have an opinion of our own it may be a good idea to follow the the public opinion. Escapism is the best way to feel better. More later.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Just Another Day

I feel fairly unwell today, head is heavy, nose clogged and throat scratchy. I guess the weather is changing. This morning started interestingly, but somewhere along the way my heart started pounding for a new camera so I could go back to photography. My wife, Kavitha is a great photographer and in several ways her pictures have inspired me to start photographing again. Unfortunately, it is impossible for Kav and I to share cameras as both of us are fiercely independent, so I have to find one for myself. I think its the right decision in the long run.

I love biking, so I got myself a new bike, the Yamaha RZ15 due for a much delayed delivery this weekend. I can't wait to get my hands on that bike and take Kav and Nethra for a ride. That beings me to Nethra: What can I say about her. Before Nethra was born, there was a lot of planning of when we should have a baby, were we financially secure, will we do a good job with the baby? Are we mature enough to handle a baby? I am sure several others go through the same thoughts. The moment she was born, life changed: From a doubt, it became a surety. I was born to be a dad to a baby girl. Every day, whether good or bad, she reminds me of that and how lucky I am to have a kid like her. What is special about her? I do not know, but all I know is when I spend time with her, life flies, I do not need anyone else. For her, her papa is the greatest, for me, she is the greatest teacher I have ever come across. Kav and I talk a lot about how we want to bring her up and both of us agree that we should listen to her and not just ignore what she says because she is a kid. So far all of us absolutely love it. As far as I am concerned, I do not know what the future has in store for all of us, but I know one thing: I will take one thing at a time and try my best not to miss her growing up. The job makes it tough, but with Kav around to explain every little detail to me, life moves on.

That's it for today.