Fear, Hurt, Emotion and Goals

What are we most afraid of?  As we become socially successful, complications arise and the fear of losing everything we claim as a success comes along. This fear is found within ourselves and is most dangerous because it hurts everyone we care about.     Its very important to measure this fear, accept it and live with it rather than let it overcome our entire lives. 

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Lately, I have heard more people tell me that I have become professionally successful very early in life hence I continue to make mistakes and hurt people out of my arrogance.   The hurt others face is an outcome of getting too attached to people they cannot handle.  I have faced it several times and am slowly learning to detach myself with most relationships, some relationships though, I dont want to regardless of the hurt since they have defined me as a person. 

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How I yearn for the simple days in life where a cup of coffee with a dear one over conversation was much cherished.   Today, every conversation is about one upmanship or the next move.  Not that I don't enjoy the battle but there are days when I wake up wanting nothing more than a simple moment.  Success has a very big price tag, we should choose wisely on how much we wish to attain. 

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What is the one parameter that built my company ground up?  Its emotion, most people consider displaying emotions as a negative, I consider this as proving yourself human and finding a way to inspire ourselves through this emotion.  Not only am I emotional but very proud of it. 

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The one question many people have asked me lately is "What Next"?  I woke up this morning and smelt the air, it smells of India as one of my US guests mentioned (in a very good way), my country, the one I am truly attached to and emotional about.  Regardless of the flaws and the problems associated with it, it gave me the affection I never expected and made me the person I am today.  Time for me to build the next set of leaders and hand it back to her in my own way.  
 

Regionalism not casteism is India's biggest problem

Someone asked me whether I was Pro or Anti Telangana. I said I am a Hyderabadi. Everytime I hear that 4 crore Telanganites want Telangana, I am shocked. If there are 4 Crore Telanaga people, there are rougly 1.2 Cr in Hyderabad and I am sure most of them dont want things to change. If they do, most would like Hyderabad to be an independent entity. Who do we blame, some blame politicians, some blame students, centre, state, blah blah. I blame all of us for letting the KCR's and the Kodandaram's use people's sentiments to their material use. Apparently there is a Quit Telangana movement by KCR's daughter today. I wish all these people had the read the civics lesson taught in the 10th class of every school which gives everyone to have a right to live anywhere in India and have their own opinion. Every time I skim though the news channels and see the politicians speak, I cringe at the sheer lack of behavior all these people exhibit. if they were in School I am sure their teacher would cane them. Are these the people representing us, what a shame.
I am not anti-Telangana neither am I Pro, all I want is to be left alone. In this mess where 3~4 bandhs a month have become common I just want people to know I am a commoner working hard to ensure India succeeds as an economy, stop testing my patience. When terrorists disrupt normalcy and instill fear in people, then regionalism does the same thing. All these guys are no better than terrorists and they should be dealt with in the same manner. What is the purpose of a separate state when the country is on the boil. If everyone believes Telangana is underdeveloped and needs to move ahead, please propose plans to empower the region and I will take part not talk about a separate state and disrupt people's lives over a biryani packet and 300 rupees a day.

Inspiration...arrives from unexpected avenues

I was thinking how uninspired I had become professionally lately. I strongly believe the reason I have gotten somewhere professionally is because there was a fire to achieve something different, unfortunately the fire did not seem to burn as much lately. This morning I was reminded of this passion towards work again from a young 21 year old kid who recently joined my company as a Office Assistant. The 30 minutes on the way to work with this kid reminded me why I had started working the way I did long back. After a very long time I was quiet and listening while he was talking. He told me a story of how his uneducated father had worked all his life in mud so his family could see better days and times. All this kid wanted to achieve in his life was to make his parents proud and have a meaning for his education.

It was this trait and the story behind him that got him this job. It also reminded me that I was among the lucky few to have gotten to where I am today and there was no turning back. Life has a way of giving us inspiration at the right times from the places you least expect. In many ways I am very fortunate and for that I am thankful.

My Father, My Teacher

My relationship with my dad has always bordered on being volatile. There were several ups and downs earlier in my life but the more recent years had brought about some stability. I had started understanding my father a lot more and he me. The earlier years were as much a battle of different personalities as it was perspectives towards life. My dad was a very hard working person who came from a very poor family and became successful. I was from a not so poor family who struggled a lot to get somewhere in life. The similarities in our lives were the struggles we faced, the dissimilarity was the background. One other thing was common between us, neither had the strong support of their family in trying to achieve what they wanted in life.

By the time I got married to Kavitha the differences had reached their peak. I was struggling to keep pace with what life was throwing at me and the age and immaturity did not help either. Slowly I fought back and gained some balance and stability. Nethra was born and my move to India happened. It was around this time I believe I started understanding my father a bit more and realized there was a lot in common between us. I realized that if I survived in India I would be able to live anywhere in the world but it was not survival that I was after, it was success.

My father taught me to be invisible within the crowd which in turn brought respect. When its very hard to reach someone you learn to respect the little time you get with them. He taught me never to take a shortcut to make money. That made me get a business relationship where a lot hinges on trust and that trust has been the backbone of success for me.

What he never learnt was to be street smart. He tried but his morals and ethics did not allow him to overlook certain aspects. He was always at the receiving end of things professionally, I guess there were more stories of how someone cheated him than of his success. In his failure he taught me how to be successful. Finally death cheated him as well, the doctors certified him healthy but it turned out otherwise. I guess my father taught me the most in his death. The responsibility of keeping a family together brings the most arduous challenges and true satisfaction when you see your family happy. Its within these challenges and happiness I found maturity.

It has been six months since I lost my dad and it feels yesterday. My father was my greatest teacher and I am a reflection of what he taught me in life. I failed to accredit him when he was alive but I will never fail to remember him every day of my life. My Father, My teacher.

A great night with good old friends

One of my friends posted "we have a friend in India and I am in town, how about a reunion". A few days pass and there we are: News Cafe, Inorbit, 8:30 PM. I lug in first and wait watching the inane India/West Indies test match. As I get bored I look back and start thinking about how I feel: Will I still get along with them, What do they do, Will I be able to blend in and the worst one of all: Will I recognize them and the other way around.

As people start trooping in, all fears give way to fond memories like: Remember that teacher you hated, or that moron who was in charge, the classmate/senior you had a crush on, the names you were called in school etc. The discussion noise levels go up to a point the loud music in the back does not bother anyone. People free up, hugs everywhere, laughter unlimited, birthday celebrated and information about each other being shared all over. Somewhere along the way I forgot who I am today and became the student I was in school. All these friends were people I shared some of the best days of my life with and helped me become who I am today.

We look at the clock and its close to 3 AM when reminders of kids and family come along and bring us into the present. It was a wonderful night with friends I had not met in a long time and hope to meet quite often going forward. The memory that stood out on my drive back home was: I was truly happy in the company of everyone I met, I guess the friends you make in school and college are the ones who stay all your life.

Confusions Galore

Confusion. The feeling most experienced by me lately. Through most of my life, I was fairly confident of the decisions I took, but lately when family or serious money is involved, I am unable to take decisions as confidently as earlier. Surprisingly, even the smallest of decisions leads to confusion. Confusion about which city to stay in, about which apartment to buy, opinions about people around me etc etc. Kavitha said earlier today: You are thinking too much, just relax. I should, just wish it was that easy. The question lies as such: Say, you are taking a decision that has no financial bearing or serious consequences, is it easy to take a decision? I would say most of us would resort to Yes as an answer. How about if it involved serious consequences, both personally and financially. The anwer isn't that easy anymore, right? Most of my friends say, do what makes you happy, regardless of the finances involved. Unfortunatey, when a lot is at stake, I find it tough to do that.

On the brighter side, past the confusion, life is moving at a brisk pace. The guys at work are picking up and doing fairly well. I have requested for a serious peformance review, let's see what happens on that end. And to top it all, Nethra, lovely Nethra. She has started conversing in English and both Kavitha and I love it. I think the pride is immense when she says something impressive. She turns into a brat more often now, but with a two and half year old, that should be expected.

The Imperfect Me

Most of us strive to be good human beings. A part of that task is to try and be perfect at something, a perfect husband or father or boss. I have a different story to tell. I want to understand the imperfections in me and accept that I am what I am, Imperfect.

Its not that I do not like or want to be perfect, its just that with that want comes immense pressure to be that way. If I am imperfect, then I have no need to try and be right all the time and better yet, be forgiven for being stupid or short tempered. Trust me, its easier said than done. This process will take time, I mean don't we need to bend our pride in order to accept that a lot of what we do may not always be right, atleast not for everyone.

A lot of people I know have come up the hard way hence its tough to convince them that there is a world outside their opinions which may be better than their own. While some of the better ones accept this in theory most of us are in denial on the reality front. I head that list. The worst part is, we are all so good at what we do that we convince ourselves that our opinions are among the wiser ones around in this world. Are we all right?

A lot of my friends talk about environment and some of them are obsessed about it. In a way I am proud that we are among a minority that really care. Unfortunately, sometimes I tend to feel this obsession with one particular issue is a way of forgetting the million others we have around us. On the other hand, it may be better to try and better one problem than have a hand dipped into many with no output. My opinion on this matter is muddled hence I do what I know best, follow what these guys say in the faith that I am doing some good. Sometimes when we are unable to have an opinion of our own it may be a good idea to follow the the public opinion. Escapism is the best way to feel better. More later.